forty over forty
Today, June 9th, is my birthday — and I am celebrating my 40th trip around the sun today. I have learned so much in these 40 years. I walk into this new year with joy and gratitude. I took some time this morning to list out 40 things that I have learned over my time here. :) Excited to see what the next decade has for me…
Life can change in an instant. Be grateful in the now, and always be ready to adapt.
So often when change disrupts us. we talk about how we can’t wait to get “back” to the way things were or “back to normal.” But the only direction that works is forward. Backward is not a direction consistent with living.
Reinvention heals. It saved my life 15 years ago, and I am thankful for each smaller opportunity I have had to reinvent aspects of my life.
Who you are meant to be is a constant evolution. So appreciate the lessons, mistakes, and setbacks as stepping stones to the future. There is no strength without challenge, adversity, resistance, and often pain. No matter how your evolution takes place, remember that love is an essential and existential fact. We must continue to love, no matter what.
We are not meant to be perfect. Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inequities or shortcomings, self-compassion (not self-pity or self-indulgence) be kind and understanding to yourself when confronted with a failure.
Everyone makes mistakes. Each of us has the opportunity to grow and make progress in our own lives, no matter how woke we are. We must be willing to learn from our mistakes.
Our fears can distort reality. When we remove fear from any situation that we might face, the answer that we are looking for will almost always come into focus. Imagine living life without fear. Walk into fear. It will produce our greatest strength. (As James Baldwin once put it, “If you are scared to death, walk towards it.”)
No matter what has happened to you, you always have the ability to rewrite the script.
Relationships are the currency of change. I am thankful for the people who have invested in me over these years.
If you are not giving back to yourself, you won’t be able to exist in a world that is always demanding.
We all want to know that what we do, what we say, and who we are matters — if we can live with that mindset, we will be able to change this world.
The emotional residue of our past will continue to inflict damage and trauma on our lives. Until we can understand our history, we will not be able to heal in ways that we can move forward.
Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. AAPI Lives Matter. Latinx Lives Matter. Queer Lives Matter. Our marginalized communities deserve safety, love, equality, inclusion, community, respect, celebration, visibility, belonging, joy, and, most importantly, freedom. Embracing one’s identity does not settle the matter at hand; it is the result of a life lived fully, not one with our heads stuck in the sand searching for that essential grain. Our task is to work with every ounce of passion and every drop of love we have to make the kingdom new. A revolution of love. A revolution of values.
By owning and accepting who and what you are, you can step into the fullness of life.
In the efforts for collective liberation, we must fight today for what we needed yesterday. We need to organize better, so we are asking for what we need tomorrow, today.
Patriarchy is a systematic problem that we all participate in.
We have come far...but it is not good enough. Don't be concerned about getting it done, be concerned about doing the next right thing.
There is no salvation without love. Salvation is the wheel in the middle of the wheel. It does not divide; it connects. It is not exclusive to any dogma, creed, or church. When we imprison our fellows in categories that cut off their humanity from our own, we only imprison ourselves. We must run toward what makes us afraid.
Believe in yourself and make strong alliances with folks who are like-minded.
Don’t trade your authenticity for approval.
It is not my job to make other people's eyeballs more comfortable. I deserve to be here.
We have come far...but it is not good enough. Don't be concerned about getting it done, be concerned about doing the next right thing.
Guilt is when I feel bad about something I did. Toxic shame is something else. That is when someone puts their shame on me. My journey is to move past the wound... and hold the incident as an object. It is my responsibility to give that shame back to the people whom it belongs to.
Joy is a form of resistance.
We must vote and be an active electorate. The apathetic approach to politics will only allow those who hate those who are different to continue to create policies that diminish and dehumanize.
We can influence public opinion. We can ignite action. We can counter misinformation. We must hold elected officials accountable.
Storytelling can heal. Our stories and lived experiences communicate essential truths that we hope inspire action and drive change. It is critical that we share stories, experiences, events, and learnings from those who have been historically most marginalized. We must tell our stories. We must make it real for those who refuse to believe that such a thing can happen/has happened/is happening here. Bring the suffering to the attention of those who wallow in willful ignorance. In short, shatter the illusion of innocence at every turn and attack all of the traditions the country holds sacred.
Lead with your vision of success, not the risks.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The energy you create and release into this world will be reciprocated on all levels.
Say good riddance to decisions that don’t support self-care, self-value, and self-worth.
When you know better, you do better. Be willing to be wrong, be willing to learn,
Have the courage to be disliked. Not everyone is meant to be your friend. The truth is that the naysayers in your life will never be satisfied. Whether you hide or shine, they’ll always feel threatened because they don’t believe they are enough. Stop paying attention to them, wish them the best, and move onward and upward.
Focus your energy on the present, to be fully aware of what’s happening in every moment, and not worry about what should have happened, what’s going wrong, or what might come next. None of us are built to run nonstop — protect your sleep, your energy, and your rest.
Rest is revolutionary. Give yourself a healthy dose of quiet time at least once a day. It will help you sleep better, focus better, and it will boost your productivity and creativity. Remember the airplane oxygen mask theory: If you don’t put your mask on first, you won’t be able to save anyone else.
There is no such thing as turf when working for and in the community to solve a problem — social justice work should not be a combat sport.
To truly be dedicated to the work of the community, we must go upstream to understand why people are “falling into the river” instead of constantly sitting downstream and fetching people out.
If someone is willing to tear down one “friend,” why wouldn’t they be willing to disparage another? Gossip means we haven’t emboldened ourselves to talk directly to people we take issue with, so we belittle them. Gossip is an assassination attempt by a coward. Become the change we want to see, instead of belittling, uplift. Instead of demolishing, rebuild. Instead of misleading, light the way. We can all stand on higher ground that way.
Don’t get so wrapped up in the doing that you lose sight of the being.
I am not the same person that I was a decade ago. Hell, I am not the same person that I was last year. The whole purpose of aging is change. The experiences of life are about teaching us about ourselves. I celebrate that fact. I honor it. I am grateful for who I am becoming
Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different. We cannot move forward if we are holding onto the pain of the past and wishing it was something else. All of us who have been broken by the pain and scarred by the trauma of the past, forgive yourself — forgive them. Step out of your history and into the path of your future. Pain is necessary to know the truth. We don’t need to keep the pain alive in order the keep the truth alive. Make peace. Stop clinging to what should or could have been and turn to what was and what could be. Everything that has happened to you has happened for you. In all of the moments that you were facing pain, hurt, and trauma — you were building strength x strength x strength — which equals power. What happened to you can be your power.